Faucet of Frustration...

I warn you now, this is a vent/rant...

So yesterday [Monday April 19] I was acting all bitchy because I refused to be a girl's date to my school's "semi-formal" or formal, I don't know. People get dressed up. Here's the back story.

My group of friends and I were all going to go to the formal and off the bat Sam claimed Jaime. Gabby then claimed me. I was perfectly fine with it, whatever, it's happened before... but that's when it hit me. This situation has happened way too many times before. I end up being the date to someone in my group of friends because we all don't have boyfriends [because my group of friends are a bunch of girls and gay guys]. Fine, whatever, but I'd rather go as a group instead of "couples" because then people, both male and female, become territorial and it becomes just stupid. Now both Jamie and Gabby can't go so Sam immediately texted me to ask if I could be her date and I said "Negative." because 1) I didn't want to be sloppy seconds and B) No! [I'll expand later]

The last dance I went to was my prom, I had asked my friend, a male, to go with me but in the end he was unable to go because he wasn't going to be in the area. So I decided to go alone until I was talking to my wonderful friend Kelley, with an "EY." She had been to many proms before, so she's a pro at this kind of thing. We're very very close friends and I decided to ask her to go with me because not only does everyone love her, I knew I would have a more enjoyable time if she was there. And I did.

This situation is different. Anyone can go to this formal as long as they buy a ticket, so no one is left out. We're all going to go to a group anyway so why do I need to have a date, let alone be "claimed". I know it was all a joke, and I understand that, but as always I look passed the joking part.

So here's where I explain part B...No! This is the very harsh part of me so please deal. I honestly... not all the time... just on the major occasions...I'm just going to say it: I think it's really pathetic when a gay man or a hag/fruit fly/whatever you want to call her, constantly falls back on each other for dates. I know this time it was just a silly college formal thing but I just wanted to go as a big group of friends. Nothing more. We'd all dance and grind up on one another all night anyway. It just frustrates me.

Also, this is a little emo, let me see if I can explain this before I state it. I'm a very loving person. I like physical contact with people [i.e. snuggling, which I'm doing right now...creepy!] I hug people, I let people know I care about them [in a non-creepy way] and I do little things for my friends to make them a little happier. I'd like to do that to someone else, who isn't my friend. You get it? My mom once said, after she had asked how my dating life was [which I have none at the moment], she wanted to give me a puppy because she knows I have so much love to give. I think the best way of putting it is that it's "getting old" that I'm giving most of my affection to my female friends when all the time I wish I had a boyfriend to give it to. [Side note: I hate the term "partner" or "significant other"]

Here's where I try to tie everything together. I don't want to have a girl as a date because I'm sick and tired of it and I guess I see it as a waste of time and energy... according to what I stated earlier. However, and this is a big however, if it weren't a group outing this would be a different story. My friend Gabby asked me to go to a wedding with her. Wonderful, I was honored. I'm not bitching about that. She has a lot on her plate and if I had the same amount of work she has to do I would have asked her to go with me. I feel like I'm just digging myself into a big hole but whatever.

I hope you get it, if not, it's just how I feel and I'm sticking to it.

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