Internal Rush...

I went with my friend Diana to grab FIT Market to grab some lunch before class the other day and when crossing 7th ave I walked out before the signal turned and even though cars were still coming. I knew I could time it right to get across but Diana didn't think so and stopped me. We then began to argue as to why I do that. Why do I cross the street when there are still cars coming? I honestly don't know but it got me thinking. Why was it when I came to NYC did I start to throw myself into traffic? It's not like I'm going somewhere important. The only excuse I can give is that it's what you do in NYC? I don't know. So I dug deeper and deeper into my subconscious and this is what I pulled up:

I tend to not go against the grain really, I don't rebel, I don't smoke, I don't drink that often, I don't do drugs or really put my life in serious danger, except stepping out into traffic; timing it just right to where it just passes me as I cross behind it. It's the adrenaline rush. I know I'm not going to get hit but at the same time there's that what-if factor. I do the same thing with subways...sort of. Sometimes when the subway is coming I stand close to the edge of the platform. I know I'm not going to get hit, but to see the subway coming at me, feeling the rancid air barreling through the tunnel, then the push from the air just gives me a weird rush. Don't judge.

I'm not saying I bolt out into heavy traffic or I stand right next to the subway all the time, that's just weird. I use my head. If there are 20 cars coming down the street I don't play Frogger with myself and try to not get hit by a car.

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